Not another Monday

Yesterday was Easter and today feels just like another Monday... How is it that we can have a day like Easter, where we celebrate that He is Risen and we are redeemed because of the blood He shed and how He loves us and then the next day, we wake up and dread the day? Whatever comes at us, we should be able to face because we know we aren't facing it alone. The battle has been fought, and that same battle has already been won. 

We may not always be able to see the victory, but stepping out and believing that God has done as He promised is your side of the battle. In the wait, we should be embracing every moment and finding ways to praise when we can't see. Even if the only praise we have is that He saved us. Our praises for our family are so vast that I can't see the storm when I focus on them, but sometimes I forget the things He has done for us... When I wake up to the screaming and whining of our 3 year old, I forget the story that led to him being ours, or when our 1 year old is learning to push buttons and laughs when I get onto him, I forget that his story is also such a beautiful one. 

I am working on remembering the things God has done, and it helps me remember that He can and will do more amazing things in our lives. The way our story has played out thus far could not be anything but God. This reminds me that it's going to be better than great, whatever He is doing. Therefore, this post-Easter Monday, I urge you to remember yesterday's celebration and all the celebrations before, and begin this week with praise and thanksgiving. He might just surprise you. :) 

Revelations of love

I have been pondering all day what I wanted to post about because I really want to be intentional about posting at least once a week. I couldn't really come up with anything. But, then a couple things happened today that really did it. It isn't going to be a long, profound post, I am just going to share my heart and hope that someone reads this and gets something out of it. 

I told you before that I've been reading through Jennie Allen's Restless study about finding your passions and seeking God's will for them. Well, in my fervor to seek God, I started praying that my husband and I would have goals together because I want nothing more than to minister alongside my better half... Well, God took me down a couple notches this week, in an amazing way. 

We have always had a very great relationship, your cliché best-friend-spouse, don't want to spend time away from each other, mushy relationship. ;) And you know what? I absolutely love it! I love when people tell me they are getting married because being married is by far my favorite thing in life, only topped by my relationship with the Lord. 

Today I was reminded just how much our relationship means to my husband, as I saw a post about when we first got Sam. He had told one of our friends when we started the process towards adoption, "Adoption is my wife's life long dream, so how could it not become my dream with the love I have for my wife?" That, my friends, is an amazing husband... We will be celebrating our 5th anniversary of marriage in May and I am still completely and utterly blown away by the love this man has for me. Reading that post from 2 years ago made me cry because he is still so amazingly and fully devoted to our family... I was then on the phone with him tonight, as he is out of town for work, and he told me a few different things and I was again reminded of the amazing heart he has for those around him. I cried again when we got off the phone because I can't believe how blessed I am to be loved by such an amazing, genuine, caring man. 

I say all this to say that our ministry is, and always has been our relationship with each other. We knew from the beginning that God wanted to use us as a couple to bring families and couples together and show them how amazing a relationship can be when God comes first. I lost sight of that part in the chaos of being parents to 2 boys under 3, but I was reminded today. After praying for 2 weeks for God to show me how I can minister with my husband, He showed me exactly what I've known all along. Our heart is to have a large house where we can have people over and speak into their lives, and I am so excited that that dream will be coming to fruition soon...

Sorry if this is a bit of a harder-to-follow post, it feels a little bit more of a journal in that I just needed to express this amazing revelation and overwhelming love I have for the man God gave me. :) Thank you for reading!

The tough stuff

Sometimes we find ourselves in not-so-pleasant seasons, or not-so-pleasant places in our lives. These places are difficult, monotonous, bland, boring, lonely, or just plain ridiculous. Sometimes they can be all of these things, and more. What do we do during these seasons? Do we let them tear us down and discourage us, or do we let them build us up and make us better? There are so many times that we want to throw in the towel and let the circumstances overtake us. Don't. Just don't. We may not see it, but there are amazing things waiting on the other side of the season. 

I know this is cliché and overdone, but I am going to tell you more of our story. I want you to see the reality of the greatness of God during struggles. Hearing Bible stories is amazing and encouraging, but to know real people with real stories that speak to God's faitfulness, is even more so. And, quite frankly, sharing the things God has done for us encourages me in times when it's harder to see what He's doing. It reminds me that He does love me, even in the rough stuff. I've been reading Restless by Jennie Allen, and she keeps talking about how our suffering can guide us to God's purposes. I fully believe this is valid, and the following story shows that God is faithful in using us... 

As many of you know, or have read in previous posts, we have not been able to get pregnant. It is coming up on 4 years of struggling with infertility, miscarriages, and overall heartbreak. The beautiful thing is, that's not where our parenthood story ends. We adopted an 8 month old little boy in January of 2013, Samuel Jeffrey. He is brilliant, witty, looks just like my husband, and lights up any room. We adopted him through foster care, and were able to have one of the smoothest adoptions anyone working on our case had ever seen. It was an amazing testament to God's faithfulness through our heartache! 

A year later, we started fertility treatments again, ready for another. They were too hard for me, they made me a wreck, and Sam was now almost 2... Anyone with children can tell you that it's not safe to be borderline psychotic (not an exaggeration) when you have a child entering the "terrific two's." I had a very early miscarriage following one of my treatments, then we tried again a month later. I remember calling my husband from the car in tears and telling him "If we don't get pregnant during this round, we're adopting again. I can't stand feeling this way." He agreed. 

I told one person we were considering adopting again, my very dear friend, Rhonda. We didn't tell our parents, or anyone else. I think we were tired of hearing the "just stop trying, it will happen," or the famous "it's all God's timing, you'll get pregnant when He's ready."  Long story short, we went a baseball game to watch Rhonda's son play, and she introduced us to a foster family. They had a couple of adorable boys... One of them was 3 month old Noah, and they were trying to decide if they were going to adopt him. We continued going to games, and getting to know this sweet baby and we started fighting, along with his foster family, for him to be ours. During the process to get him into our home, we had another miscarriage. It was devastating, but we realized we were doing exactly what God had planned for growing our family. 

3 months later, Noah moved in with us, and 5 months after that, just last month, he became Noah Alexander Dice. He is one of the cutest kids I've ever seen. He is hilarious, and smart, and looks like Sam. He has become another amazing chapter in our story that has proven that God has our hearts in His hands, and knows what we need. Everyone always tells us that our boys look just like us, and it's one of my favorite things to hear.

I say all of this to tell you, God knows. He knows your heart's desires. He knows your passions. He knows your dreams. Who do you think gave them to you? I know it's hard, trust me. A lot of tears have come from my heart to God over not being able to become a mommy. Sometimes, I still cry for hours wondering if I'll ever experience the flutters of a baby in my belly, or the bond of breastfeeding. But, then I see my boys and hear their giggles and I remember that God loves me. He has my future in mind, and whatever it is will be amazing. Take heart, sweet friend, and know that the other side isn't necessarily easier, but it will be so much better!! 

New Seasons

I am so excited to enter a new season of productivity, ministry, motivation, and relationship. I am not entirely sure what it all means or will look like, but I know that God is moving and changing my heart. He is reminding me of all the things He has called me to do, and moving me in directions I had forgotten.

Over the last 2 years, we have adopted 2 brilliant, amazing boys. The oldest is going to be 3 in May and the second just turned 1 in January. Our second adoption was finalized at the beginning of February. I will share more about the story of growing our family God's way in another post. :) They have been such a blessing and changed everything about our life together. We have been so blessed by them and their amazing personalities and joy, and we are beyond thrilled to be their parents. God really knows what He's doing, as far as timing goes... 

But, now that we have settled in as parents to 2 children under 3, it is time to remember who I am in the Kingdom. People keep telling me that becoming the mother to 2 children who needed homes and a family means that I am fulfilling my purpose and ministry, but I long for more. Not that being their mother isn't enough for me, just that I know there is more that I have been called to do. I have felt a restlessness and longing for more. Psalm 37:4 (NLT) says "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires." I'm pretty sure I've written about this before, but I want to reiterate that I firmly believe that if you are taking delight in the Lord, He drops desires in your heart that line up with His will for you. It doesn't mean that you should believe that He will give you anything you ask for, ever. Anyway, I say that to say that I know my desire to do more isn't simply because I'm bored. If that were the case, I would be longing for vacations and trips to foreign lands (which is also the case...), but I feel a desire to create an adventure with the Lord. I mostly long to minister to young people who feel like they have become someone they don't know anymore, or just who want to strengthen their relationship and understand God's purpose in their lives. I want to help them find themselves and realize their worth. This blog is going to become about my journey toward realizing how God wants to make this happen, and the thoughts I feel should be shared. 

Please comment with the ways you feel God pulling you, or the restlessness you may feel. I am also working on writing a book about realizing your worth, regardless of how far you've wandered, and I'd love input about how you feel you've wandered, or how you feel you've rediscovered your relationship with the Lord... :) I would love to develop a relationship with my readers, in order to better share and minister to you, as well.  

Parenting craziness :)

Hey everyone! Things have been absolutely insane and AMAZING over the last 5 months! Our son moved in January 29th, he was 8 and a half months old and adorable! He turned 1 in May and we have so enjoyed being parents! Well... mostly enjoyed being parents... haha. Adjusting to parenthood is hard, especially when helping a child adjust to a new home and family... We have had some crazy, difficult attachment and separation issues, but not ever considered going back to how things were. There have been times, now that he is learning to have an opinion, when I cried (alot) because I didn't know what to do. But, I have never thought about Samuel as "someone else's child" or been resentful or regretful that we brought him into our home.... I have questioned my sanity or my ability to be a mother, but I think that is normal when we forget to let God do the parenting through us... :) I was recently asked to to share something I had posted along these lines on my facebook page for a friend, so here it is:

This is a blog post titled "To parents of small children: Let me be the one who says it out loud," a post about loving our small children, but being exhausted in every sense of the word. I posted it a few days ago, but my son has started throwing tantrums and refusing to sleep... I have read this like 8 times this week and cried every time. I keep trying to remind myself I'm not a bad mother just because I'm hormonal and want to cry constantly. I will say that if I hear "enjoy this time with him," a sarcastic "welcome to motherhood," or "you'll miss this season of your son's life" again, I will have to not be friends with whoever you are until this season is over. I'm glad you who are parents are passed this and don't remember how awful it is, but I can't wait until we get passed it and I'm missing the good things about this age and forgetting the tears I've cried everyday this week because I refuse to let my child run over me....
I love my son desperately and wouldn't trade him for the world, but I'll really like him more when he starts sleeping again and stops screaming at me....
 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/blackberry/p.html?id=3209305

I say all of this to let everyone know that it is ok to be transparent... Not everyone has easy children, not everyone has an easy time being patient all the time, and not everyone has it easy.... I love my son more than I ever thought possible and I am so grateful for him! Sometimes, it is the biggest things God gives us that are the hardest to be thankful for... I also want to say that, if you are married and having a hard time getting pregnant, please take time to appreciate your spouse... We have had a hard time becoming parents and all we wanted for so long was that, and now we realize that we didn't appreciate each other enough... PLEASE ENJOY EVERY MOMENT! I know that is a dumb thing to say, because I was there, too. But I now wish that I had listened when I heard it before. If you have children, make your spouse your priority, it is vital for your child's future that they see you loving your spouse. :)