The tough stuff

Sometimes we find ourselves in not-so-pleasant seasons, or not-so-pleasant places in our lives. These places are difficult, monotonous, bland, boring, lonely, or just plain ridiculous. Sometimes they can be all of these things, and more. What do we do during these seasons? Do we let them tear us down and discourage us, or do we let them build us up and make us better? There are so many times that we want to throw in the towel and let the circumstances overtake us. Don't. Just don't. We may not see it, but there are amazing things waiting on the other side of the season. 

I know this is cliché and overdone, but I am going to tell you more of our story. I want you to see the reality of the greatness of God during struggles. Hearing Bible stories is amazing and encouraging, but to know real people with real stories that speak to God's faitfulness, is even more so. And, quite frankly, sharing the things God has done for us encourages me in times when it's harder to see what He's doing. It reminds me that He does love me, even in the rough stuff. I've been reading Restless by Jennie Allen, and she keeps talking about how our suffering can guide us to God's purposes. I fully believe this is valid, and the following story shows that God is faithful in using us... 

As many of you know, or have read in previous posts, we have not been able to get pregnant. It is coming up on 4 years of struggling with infertility, miscarriages, and overall heartbreak. The beautiful thing is, that's not where our parenthood story ends. We adopted an 8 month old little boy in January of 2013, Samuel Jeffrey. He is brilliant, witty, looks just like my husband, and lights up any room. We adopted him through foster care, and were able to have one of the smoothest adoptions anyone working on our case had ever seen. It was an amazing testament to God's faithfulness through our heartache! 

A year later, we started fertility treatments again, ready for another. They were too hard for me, they made me a wreck, and Sam was now almost 2... Anyone with children can tell you that it's not safe to be borderline psychotic (not an exaggeration) when you have a child entering the "terrific two's." I had a very early miscarriage following one of my treatments, then we tried again a month later. I remember calling my husband from the car in tears and telling him "If we don't get pregnant during this round, we're adopting again. I can't stand feeling this way." He agreed. 

I told one person we were considering adopting again, my very dear friend, Rhonda. We didn't tell our parents, or anyone else. I think we were tired of hearing the "just stop trying, it will happen," or the famous "it's all God's timing, you'll get pregnant when He's ready."  Long story short, we went a baseball game to watch Rhonda's son play, and she introduced us to a foster family. They had a couple of adorable boys... One of them was 3 month old Noah, and they were trying to decide if they were going to adopt him. We continued going to games, and getting to know this sweet baby and we started fighting, along with his foster family, for him to be ours. During the process to get him into our home, we had another miscarriage. It was devastating, but we realized we were doing exactly what God had planned for growing our family. 

3 months later, Noah moved in with us, and 5 months after that, just last month, he became Noah Alexander Dice. He is one of the cutest kids I've ever seen. He is hilarious, and smart, and looks like Sam. He has become another amazing chapter in our story that has proven that God has our hearts in His hands, and knows what we need. Everyone always tells us that our boys look just like us, and it's one of my favorite things to hear.

I say all of this to tell you, God knows. He knows your heart's desires. He knows your passions. He knows your dreams. Who do you think gave them to you? I know it's hard, trust me. A lot of tears have come from my heart to God over not being able to become a mommy. Sometimes, I still cry for hours wondering if I'll ever experience the flutters of a baby in my belly, or the bond of breastfeeding. But, then I see my boys and hear their giggles and I remember that God loves me. He has my future in mind, and whatever it is will be amazing. Take heart, sweet friend, and know that the other side isn't necessarily easier, but it will be so much better!!