Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God. Phil 1:3

This post is a very emotional one that I have been sitting on for a couple of days. Mostly because when I think about it, I start crying... But also, because I don't want to allow it to shame me or anyone else, or make us feel guilty. 

Last week, a dear friend passed away. We went to high school together and he was only 28. I am not able to be there to say final goodbyes and to hug our friends and his family, and this is tearing me up. He was an amazing man, and always knew just how to make everyone else feel better by bringing a smile to their face, or a laugh from their belly. He was one of a kind and I will cherish every memory of him. He bravely served our country, and loved his daughter and his wife dearly. Anyone who ever met him, loved him, it was inevitable. 

Because I went to a very small school, where only 12 people were in my graduating class, relationship will always be a massive part of my memories from school. Friendships forged, tears shared, laughs remembered, and so many crazy talks about the deep places of our hearts. I wouldn't trade those memories and bonds for anything. The pain I feel is due to the relationships we were given the unique opportunity to develop.  

My regret lies in the after. In a world where we "keep in touch" by following each other's posts and pictures, that level of relationship is being lost. We no longer see the deep places and share the tears... We see the fun and the "perfect" parts of each other's lives, no longer feeling the pain of each other's heartaches and glory of the dreams. We only see what we want others to think or the perception of the joy felt and that is the depth of our superficial connections. My heart yearns for the days of high school when we talked about things we thought we knew, boys, love, futures, dreams, heartbreak. 

Our generation thinks we have an advantage because of technology, but really, we are at the greatest disadvantage. We know what life was like before facebook and texting took over our interactions with each other. But, we don't let our hearts remember. We have forgotten that to truly live is to forge bonds of friendship that stand the test of time. Our hearts search for interaction on the screen of our phones or computers and come up short. Where have the heart connections gone? Why does my heart long so deeply for them? Because we were created for relationship. We were created because God wanted fellowship. Put the phone down and talk to Him. 

Keenan Wofford, you are dearly and deeply missed, my friend. Thank you for loving everyone and bringing joy to the hearts of everyone you met. In your honor, I will begin to reconnect with people and put down my phone. I will make phone calls and hear people's voices...And, “every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God." Philippians1:3 NLT 

Start somewhere, it's your job.

Friends, 

I am insecure. There, I said it. I just wanted to clear the air before I get started because this topic is a sensitive one and I don't want anyone to think it doesn't apply to me. Because, really, I have struggled with this more than I can even put to paper. I want you, before you keep reading, to think about what you're good at. What 1 thing (or 2 or 3 or 4) is it that you know without a doubt that you are good at or unbelievable passionate about? Be thinking about it and we'll come back to that... 

I went last week to a convention for the largest essential oils company with 27,000 other people, expecting to learn about earnings potential, marketing, and those types of things. Instead, I came back inspired in every aspect of my life. In my effort to serve as God created me to serve, to live my life to the fullest in every way, to appreciate what I have been blessed with, to create an amazing future for my children by teaching them to serve, and so much more! But, as I got home, I started doubting myself the moment I walked in the door. Because that's how it goes, right? You feel super stoked and pumped up to do something and you feel like a super human who could conquer the world, as long as you are among others who treat you as such. Then, you get home to 2 toddlers who you adore, but they're toddlers. They don't exactly know what it means to encourage you in your call, they just know you feed them and kiss their owies... So, you start wondering if you had it wrong and you really just heard someone else's word. 

I'm here to share with you what God told me when I asked Him to continue that work in my heart. 1 Peter 4:7-11 (NLT) says, “The end of the world is coming soon. Therefore, be earnest and disciplined in your prayers. Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay. God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen.” 

Do you see all of these times when you are told what to do? "Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay." "Use [your gifts] well to serve one another." "Speak as though God himself were speaking through you." "[Help others] with all the strength and energy that God supplies." These are all times when you should hear that God gave you gifts that you are supposed to use for His glory. He loves you and created you for a purpose. He gave you strengths and talents that should be used to draw people to Him. Use them. 

By doubting your ability to do what you feel called to do, you are telling Him that He didn't know what He was doing. Do you know that that is disobedience? That is like having a job that you have the tools to do and telling your boss that you can't because the tools aren't the ones you want. Then, you get fired. Don't be afraid that someone is going to think you're arrogant or cocky because you know you're good at something. They're opinion isn't the one that matters. Stay humble and let God lead you and guide you in the best ways to use those gifts. By being disobedient and not allowing Him to speak through you, who is missing out on what He wants to say through you? Who is being short-changed by not hearing about the love and awe He has for them? 

If you feel like you have no idea what your gifts are, just start somewhere. He'll show you if you ask Him. Please let me pray for you if you feel like you are lost with no direction. You will not need to follow someone else's path. Don't just go with someone else's dream... What is your passion? What makes you feel like your heart is going to beat out of your chest, or like you're going to cry all the tears in your face? Start there. Are there things that excite you to the point where you can't sleep afterward because you can't stop thinking about how good it made you feel? Find ways to keep doing those things! 

I love you! 

Until next time, 

Mikyhla

As Iron Sharpens Iron

Happy Monday! I have been praying about this post for a couple days, and trying to find a way to avoid writing it. But, it has been heavy on my heart, so I was praying that God would make it as edifying as possible. I have always struggled in the area of really being friends with other women, until about 4 years ago, when God brought me some absolutely amazing friends. This post comes from that place of hurt, and also from the place of healing and enlightenment. Please read understanding that this is mostly what God has said to me, not about anyone else. :) 

In my last post, I talked about how I was realizing how awkward I am. I'd like to reign that statement in a little, it might be too broad. I think the actual truth is that I'm really horrible at small talk, like really bad, guys. I don't like awkward silences so I try to find other things to talk about, but it's usually even more awkward than the silence. So, I take the boys to playdates and kind of hang around and listen and try to find things to talk about, and end up just feeling even more awkward. 

It's not because I feel intimidated, really. I mean, if you've ever met me, you know I am not afraid to talk to people, by any means. I'm probably the one who is a bit overwhelming for most people at first. As a matter of fact, when I met my husband the first time, I'm pretty sure he didn't want anything to do with my in-your-face intensity. I have noticed, though, that as you get to know new people, there is a ton of small talk and awkwardness involved... And I am just not a fan. 

I need good, hard, heart talks. I want to know you, what God has done for you, find out your goals and dreams, hear about the hard stuff you deal with, and understand your heart. I'm not sure how to get past small talk, ever. I feel like I end up talking more about my family and my life and the things God has planned for us, and then other people don't have much to say... I don't want to monopolize conversations, I want to let you into my world and find like-minded friends. Proverbs 27:17 (NLT) says, "As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." That's the type of friendships I desire, the ones where I'm not afraid to say "I've had a hard day, can I cry?" I also want friends who aren't afraid to say the same to me. 

Hebrews 10:24-25 (NLT) says, "Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near." You know what this says to me? There isn't time for shallow and superficial relationships. We need to be building each other up and encouraging one another to guide others to the Kingdom. Helping each other find His heart for us and understanding His love, that we might show it to others. I am posting this verse on my mirror so I can pray to be this type of friend, and to bury these words in my heart. Matt 12:34b (NLT), "...For whatever is in your heart determines what you say." 

I pray that I can be a friend who edifies those around me and not be the one people come to for gossip. I also pray that women will find hope in this post. Be friends with each other. Be open and honest about the hard stuff. Being a woman isn't easy as it is, with so many emotions and feelings and such, so be understanding of other women. Being a mom isn't easy, so don't judge other moms whose shortcomings and opinions are simply different from your own. It is so important to know that we don't journey alone. I make a point to be friends with other women who struggle with infertility so that we can talk and have someone who understands the heartache. I also make a point to be friends with pregnant women and women who have lots of kids, because I need to learn to rejoice through the hurt and be thankful for what God is doing in others' lives. 

I love you and I'm so thankful for you. Thanks for reading, feel free to share what God has been doing in your life and how He connects you with other people to create meaningful relationships! 

Transition Breeds Growth

Happy newness, my friends!!! As we are getting settled into our new home, new life, new church, and basically new everything, I am realizing a lot of things about myself... I'm also realizing new things about God. We are working on getting plugged in and connected to a great network of believers here in Southern Alabama, and God is doing an excellent job with those connections!

As we connect with people, I am realizing that I may be more awkward than I ever really acknowledged before... So, as we become friends, please realize that I have finally admitted it. Will it change anything? Probably not, but at least I know now... I think I always knew I was a bit awkward, but I am so social that I never really thought about it. As a stay-at-home-mom, I have become more awkward in my adult interactions than ever before! And, I'm perfectly ok with that, I hope you are, too. 

But, really, I think that through this revelation, I am seeing even more how much God loves me... He places people in my life who are awkward alongside me, or just don't mind my awkwardness. As we finally feel capable of putting down roots for the first real time in the 6 years that hubby and I have been together (6 years??? What?!?!?!), I am so excited to use the things God has placed inside of me! I am starting to feel the passion bubbling up inside me again, after a very long time of not understanding if God was still calling me to do much... 

We had a small groups signup party last night with our new, amazing church, and we were able to connect with people who are like-minded and similar-hearted, and it felt so good! As we were driving home, I was telling hubby all about all the things I feel about my heart for ministry. I can't even figure out exactly what it is I feel called to do, because there are so many things that pluck my heart strings... I'm feeling so many things that He is saying to me and finally feeling passionate about life again and looking forward to making a difference in lives. How that difference will be made, and in what arena, I don't yet know... But, I do know that it starts here, with my writing, and in the Word and through my prayer and time with Him. I am excited to share this journey with you as He walks me through it and gives me clarity! 

I cannot believe that we are really here, in this amazing, crazy life! 6 years ago we met, now we have 2 amazing children who we adore, a super sweet puppy, and we just purchased our first home in a place we are meant to be for a long time... I am so happy in the midst of this chaos and I am so pleased that you are sharing in this new adventure with me!!! 

Until next time, 

Mikyhla 

Thoughts on moving....

We are officially 30 days out from our move to Alabama from Arizona!!! I can't believe it's really happening! There are so many emotions and so many things I should be doing that don't involve sitting here, writing to you... But, I really just need to write it all out! :)

The first and foremost thing is gratitude! We are beyond thrilled to be going somewhere so beautiful, close to the ocean, where people are kind... We are buying an amazing house in a family-friendly neighborhood. And there is no lack of evidence that God orchestrated it all. We can't believe that we never considered living in Southern Alabama before because we are so in love with it!!!! But, God knows our hearts and needs and plans things better than we could even pretend to dream of! 

The second is that I am losing my mind! Moving across the country with 2 high-energy toddlers is proving to be a bit more exhausting that I expected... I knew it would be trying, but, wow.... I am working on trying to be more compassionate and respectful of 3 year old Sam's feelings. We have been selling stuff and purging as we pack. This weekend, several people came over to purchase things such as our dresser and nightstand, and Sam's dresser and nightstand.... We kind of went over what was going on and then didn't really talk about it anymore because he seemed ok. Well, yesterday someone from a moving company came to get us a quote and we were standing in Sam's room talking. Sam ran around the corner and screamed, "Don't take my bed!" He was so sure that this strange man with the glasses was here to take more of his stuff! Needless to say, I felt (and still feel) horrible.... We've been working on more conversations with him about moving to "Alagrama" as he calls it. The good news is, 16 month old Noah is unbelievably content, as long as he isn't being contained or put down to sleep. ;)

The last is sadness... We are definitely not even close to sad about leaving the desert, by any means. But, there are many people we wish would just come with us. We have made many friends, and people have become like family because we don't have any close. This is going to be very emotional as we forge new friendships, never forgetting the ones we never thought we'd make. We moved to AZ 4 and a half years ago with the anticipation of not putting down roots and getting out as soon as possibe, with no children until we did. hahaha. Yeah, God laughed, we know.... Through our process of adopting 2 children and being married for 5 years, we gained so many heart connection friends... Please come visit us... Help us maintain these friendships. It is so hard to maintain friendships with children, even in close proximity geographically. We need you to continue conversations, and check in on us every now and then as we get settled. We love you all and we really will miss you, even if it seems our excitement for the new outweighs the emotional... 

I try to make my posts be geared toward growing and knowing God better, and finding yourself in Him... Today, I just want to say that I appreciate my audience and I love you. Thank you for giving me this outlet to get it all on the table. :) 

His plan is better than good!

Another Monday, the middle of April already! What?!?!?! How did it get to be so far into 2015?? What have you accomplished this year? What have you set out to accomplish this year? Did you set some goals at the beginning of the year and then forget about them, or decide they were too hard? Write them down! Remember the dreams God gave you! Don't give up. He gives you dreams and desires, you just have to find motivation to reach them! 

I have been working through some training for my essential oils business that discusses how to set and achieve goals. The speaker talked about the first step being to figure out and name your specific desired outcome. Pick the results you are reaching for, then and only then, you can set up a plan for reaching that goal. Sometimes the plan you put in place won't work; write it in pencil because that's ok. The only part that is really important is that you keep your desired outcome in mind and do whatever it takes to achieve it! That goal must be set in stone, but the journey doesn't have to be! 

I say this because God has set a path before you and a dream to reach. He lets you figure out the path, to an extent, but my family is learning that the path may not be exactly what you picture it to be. Be open to other paths to result, God may have a detour for you or a "longcut" that will allow you to minister to more people or grow more in preparation. Sometimes we just need to be open to what He is saying to us, more than what we think He wants from us. 

Just this morning, hubby and I were talking about how different God's plan looks sometimes. I reminded him that neither of us thought we'd end up with people like each other... We prayed and God answered our prayers and we are perfect for each other and exactly what the other needed. But I thought I'd end up with someone completely different from him. But, all the things on my list of what I wanted in a man that I prayed specifically for? My husband completes every single one of them, and so much more! Just not how I pictured it, and I am 100% ok with that, because if I had picked my husband, it would not have been so great. ;) 

Please be praying for specifics, but don't forget that God's plan is better. Don't be closed minded about the ways He is going to do it, because he WILL surprise you if you let Him, I promise! Just remember to maintain your relationship with Him and let Him be your tourguide on the adventure He has laid out for you! Share your stories with me, and let me know how different His plan was for your life than your own and how great it ended up! I love testimonies that help other people see that He is good! :) 

Love you all so much!!

Mikyhla

Not another Monday

Yesterday was Easter and today feels just like another Monday... How is it that we can have a day like Easter, where we celebrate that He is Risen and we are redeemed because of the blood He shed and how He loves us and then the next day, we wake up and dread the day? Whatever comes at us, we should be able to face because we know we aren't facing it alone. The battle has been fought, and that same battle has already been won. 

We may not always be able to see the victory, but stepping out and believing that God has done as He promised is your side of the battle. In the wait, we should be embracing every moment and finding ways to praise when we can't see. Even if the only praise we have is that He saved us. Our praises for our family are so vast that I can't see the storm when I focus on them, but sometimes I forget the things He has done for us... When I wake up to the screaming and whining of our 3 year old, I forget the story that led to him being ours, or when our 1 year old is learning to push buttons and laughs when I get onto him, I forget that his story is also such a beautiful one. 

I am working on remembering the things God has done, and it helps me remember that He can and will do more amazing things in our lives. The way our story has played out thus far could not be anything but God. This reminds me that it's going to be better than great, whatever He is doing. Therefore, this post-Easter Monday, I urge you to remember yesterday's celebration and all the celebrations before, and begin this week with praise and thanksgiving. He might just surprise you. :) 

Revelations of love

I have been pondering all day what I wanted to post about because I really want to be intentional about posting at least once a week. I couldn't really come up with anything. But, then a couple things happened today that really did it. It isn't going to be a long, profound post, I am just going to share my heart and hope that someone reads this and gets something out of it. 

I told you before that I've been reading through Jennie Allen's Restless study about finding your passions and seeking God's will for them. Well, in my fervor to seek God, I started praying that my husband and I would have goals together because I want nothing more than to minister alongside my better half... Well, God took me down a couple notches this week, in an amazing way. 

We have always had a very great relationship, your cliché best-friend-spouse, don't want to spend time away from each other, mushy relationship. ;) And you know what? I absolutely love it! I love when people tell me they are getting married because being married is by far my favorite thing in life, only topped by my relationship with the Lord. 

Today I was reminded just how much our relationship means to my husband, as I saw a post about when we first got Sam. He had told one of our friends when we started the process towards adoption, "Adoption is my wife's life long dream, so how could it not become my dream with the love I have for my wife?" That, my friends, is an amazing husband... We will be celebrating our 5th anniversary of marriage in May and I am still completely and utterly blown away by the love this man has for me. Reading that post from 2 years ago made me cry because he is still so amazingly and fully devoted to our family... I was then on the phone with him tonight, as he is out of town for work, and he told me a few different things and I was again reminded of the amazing heart he has for those around him. I cried again when we got off the phone because I can't believe how blessed I am to be loved by such an amazing, genuine, caring man. 

I say all this to say that our ministry is, and always has been our relationship with each other. We knew from the beginning that God wanted to use us as a couple to bring families and couples together and show them how amazing a relationship can be when God comes first. I lost sight of that part in the chaos of being parents to 2 boys under 3, but I was reminded today. After praying for 2 weeks for God to show me how I can minister with my husband, He showed me exactly what I've known all along. Our heart is to have a large house where we can have people over and speak into their lives, and I am so excited that that dream will be coming to fruition soon...

Sorry if this is a bit of a harder-to-follow post, it feels a little bit more of a journal in that I just needed to express this amazing revelation and overwhelming love I have for the man God gave me. :) Thank you for reading!

The tough stuff

Sometimes we find ourselves in not-so-pleasant seasons, or not-so-pleasant places in our lives. These places are difficult, monotonous, bland, boring, lonely, or just plain ridiculous. Sometimes they can be all of these things, and more. What do we do during these seasons? Do we let them tear us down and discourage us, or do we let them build us up and make us better? There are so many times that we want to throw in the towel and let the circumstances overtake us. Don't. Just don't. We may not see it, but there are amazing things waiting on the other side of the season. 

I know this is cliché and overdone, but I am going to tell you more of our story. I want you to see the reality of the greatness of God during struggles. Hearing Bible stories is amazing and encouraging, but to know real people with real stories that speak to God's faitfulness, is even more so. And, quite frankly, sharing the things God has done for us encourages me in times when it's harder to see what He's doing. It reminds me that He does love me, even in the rough stuff. I've been reading Restless by Jennie Allen, and she keeps talking about how our suffering can guide us to God's purposes. I fully believe this is valid, and the following story shows that God is faithful in using us... 

As many of you know, or have read in previous posts, we have not been able to get pregnant. It is coming up on 4 years of struggling with infertility, miscarriages, and overall heartbreak. The beautiful thing is, that's not where our parenthood story ends. We adopted an 8 month old little boy in January of 2013, Samuel Jeffrey. He is brilliant, witty, looks just like my husband, and lights up any room. We adopted him through foster care, and were able to have one of the smoothest adoptions anyone working on our case had ever seen. It was an amazing testament to God's faithfulness through our heartache! 

A year later, we started fertility treatments again, ready for another. They were too hard for me, they made me a wreck, and Sam was now almost 2... Anyone with children can tell you that it's not safe to be borderline psychotic (not an exaggeration) when you have a child entering the "terrific two's." I had a very early miscarriage following one of my treatments, then we tried again a month later. I remember calling my husband from the car in tears and telling him "If we don't get pregnant during this round, we're adopting again. I can't stand feeling this way." He agreed. 

I told one person we were considering adopting again, my very dear friend, Rhonda. We didn't tell our parents, or anyone else. I think we were tired of hearing the "just stop trying, it will happen," or the famous "it's all God's timing, you'll get pregnant when He's ready."  Long story short, we went a baseball game to watch Rhonda's son play, and she introduced us to a foster family. They had a couple of adorable boys... One of them was 3 month old Noah, and they were trying to decide if they were going to adopt him. We continued going to games, and getting to know this sweet baby and we started fighting, along with his foster family, for him to be ours. During the process to get him into our home, we had another miscarriage. It was devastating, but we realized we were doing exactly what God had planned for growing our family. 

3 months later, Noah moved in with us, and 5 months after that, just last month, he became Noah Alexander Dice. He is one of the cutest kids I've ever seen. He is hilarious, and smart, and looks like Sam. He has become another amazing chapter in our story that has proven that God has our hearts in His hands, and knows what we need. Everyone always tells us that our boys look just like us, and it's one of my favorite things to hear.

I say all of this to tell you, God knows. He knows your heart's desires. He knows your passions. He knows your dreams. Who do you think gave them to you? I know it's hard, trust me. A lot of tears have come from my heart to God over not being able to become a mommy. Sometimes, I still cry for hours wondering if I'll ever experience the flutters of a baby in my belly, or the bond of breastfeeding. But, then I see my boys and hear their giggles and I remember that God loves me. He has my future in mind, and whatever it is will be amazing. Take heart, sweet friend, and know that the other side isn't necessarily easier, but it will be so much better!! 

New Seasons

I am so excited to enter a new season of productivity, ministry, motivation, and relationship. I am not entirely sure what it all means or will look like, but I know that God is moving and changing my heart. He is reminding me of all the things He has called me to do, and moving me in directions I had forgotten.

Over the last 2 years, we have adopted 2 brilliant, amazing boys. The oldest is going to be 3 in May and the second just turned 1 in January. Our second adoption was finalized at the beginning of February. I will share more about the story of growing our family God's way in another post. :) They have been such a blessing and changed everything about our life together. We have been so blessed by them and their amazing personalities and joy, and we are beyond thrilled to be their parents. God really knows what He's doing, as far as timing goes... 

But, now that we have settled in as parents to 2 children under 3, it is time to remember who I am in the Kingdom. People keep telling me that becoming the mother to 2 children who needed homes and a family means that I am fulfilling my purpose and ministry, but I long for more. Not that being their mother isn't enough for me, just that I know there is more that I have been called to do. I have felt a restlessness and longing for more. Psalm 37:4 (NLT) says "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires." I'm pretty sure I've written about this before, but I want to reiterate that I firmly believe that if you are taking delight in the Lord, He drops desires in your heart that line up with His will for you. It doesn't mean that you should believe that He will give you anything you ask for, ever. Anyway, I say that to say that I know my desire to do more isn't simply because I'm bored. If that were the case, I would be longing for vacations and trips to foreign lands (which is also the case...), but I feel a desire to create an adventure with the Lord. I mostly long to minister to young people who feel like they have become someone they don't know anymore, or just who want to strengthen their relationship and understand God's purpose in their lives. I want to help them find themselves and realize their worth. This blog is going to become about my journey toward realizing how God wants to make this happen, and the thoughts I feel should be shared. 

Please comment with the ways you feel God pulling you, or the restlessness you may feel. I am also working on writing a book about realizing your worth, regardless of how far you've wandered, and I'd love input about how you feel you've wandered, or how you feel you've rediscovered your relationship with the Lord... :) I would love to develop a relationship with my readers, in order to better share and minister to you, as well.