Hey everyone! Excited to be back and communicating again! :)
I’m going to start by saying that I haven’t really shared
this story a whole lot because it is a very hard subject for me, and I try to
avoid specific personal details. But, I really feel this is something I should
share.
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a year
now, and every month it gets more emotional and depressing. You hear about
other women or teenage girls having babies, or mothers who kill or hurt their
children, and it breaks you every time. I always try to hold off on the tears
because I keep telling myself that God’s timing will be perfect, but the tears
always come. I always feel so disappointed with myself for letting the sadness
get the best of me. I know that I am being selfish when I cry at others’ baby
announcements, and I think I beat myself up about that, making my sadness even
worse. Really what I should be doing, is thanking God for giving me this strong
desire to be a mother. He gives us the desires of our hearts, according to His
purpose. I know that our desire for a child is something He placed inside of
us.
I have been praying for many
months for God to answer our prayers and allow me to bear a child. Then we were
sent to a fertility specialist who told me that I have Polycystic Ovarian
Syndrome (PCOS). This is caused by an insulin resistance, which causes my
ovaries to not function the way they are supposed to. This also means that I am
no longer allowed to eat sugar, bread, most fruits, fruit juices, pastas, rice,
etc., and I also have to work out or exercise at least 30 minutes to an hour
every day. I accepted this as God’s answer to my prayer, because I figured that
if He just wanted to let me have place to start, I would be on the path to
being healthy and getting pregnant. This is not ok.
To allow the devil to convince you
that having to suffer with an illness or any other burden for the rest of your
life is not what God wants. The doctor has told me that this is a problem I
will have to monitor the rest of my life, or risk developing diabetes. I will
not accept that. Jesus died on the cross and shed His blood so we do not have
to accept the world’s report. I am claiming healing and fertility, and I want
you to know that settling for a partial answer is not His will for your life. I
posted previously about God’s desire to give us abundant life, and I know that
we need to claim it! He doesn’t just offer it, we have to receive it! By just
allowing our contentedness to take us from place to place, comfort zone to
comfort zone, we are implying that Jesus' blood was shed for no reason. We
have to allow His blood to be our purpose. We are not meant to live day to day
meaninglessly. By allowing His Word to shine through us, and allowing our stories to
speak exclusively of His love for us; we let His blood have meaning.We are His highly favored children, and He does not want to see us in pain. He just wants us to come to Him and allow Him to do His part. We cannot conquer without our King.
